Welcome to the inaugural post of 65 Toss Power Trap. Enjoy.
It’s harder than you’d believe to relate to people what it’s like being a sports fan in Kansas City these days. If they’ve never spent any time there, or didn’t have the pleasure of growing up amongst the sounds of jazz and smells and tastes of the World’s Best Barbecue (Gates', if you‘re wondering), it's damn near impossible to make them feel our collective pain.
Fleeting stories of 1985 and 1970, the town’s last championship years of any merit, are all we have to tie us to the historic successes of our now-mediocre pro franchises.
That’s part of the reason we established this little ditty, you know, to vent some of those frustrations and, hopefully, stimulate some discussion about the state of sports and fandom in the Second City of Fountains. It’s a split city, of course, with its majority lying on the Missouri side, and a thin slice suffering the unfortunate fate of geography which locates it in the third-world territory known as “Kansas”. The split is reflected in the city’s politics, its music, and its social life as well -- a reality which has more influence on the lives of its citizens than an outsider would ever believe.
The title of the blog, like its authors, is reminiscent of a fairer time. Sixty-five toss power trap, as any true Chiefs fan or avid NFL Films consumer would tell you, was the play that won our beloved Chiefs their first and only Super Bowl, one that KC legend and head-coaching statesman Hank Stram called joyously from the sideline again and again, pounding a then-weak Minnesota Vikings defense en route to a 7-3 victory. 65TPT was also the play that scored the game’s only TD.
So, yeah, we’re nostalgic. What choice do we have? The Chiefs haven’t won a playoff game in 15 years, and last week, the team topped off its worst season in the past 30 by drafting LSU defensive tackle Glenn Dorsey with the No. 5 overall pick.
By public consensus, the Chiefs got a steal in Dorsey. But, as usual, minor success was tempered by monumental failure, as the Chiefs’ front-office succeeded in pissing off and trading the team’s best player and fan favorite, former DE and NFL sack leader Jared Allen, a week before the draft commenced.
For those of you unfamiliar with his background, Allen was a PERFECT star for KC -- the one player fans would have identified, if asked, as untouchable. Drafted in the fourth round as a potential long-snapper, this beer-guzzling, handlebar-mustached honkey ascended [don‘t panic: we’re honkeys, too, and are qualified to use the term] -- apparently by sheer balls and endless thirst for the quarterback’s blood alone -- to the starting slot at right DE for the Chiefs. He wore #69 for Stram’s sake, and we loved him. Two DUI’s and a two-game suspension later [neither of which threatened his demigod status in the 816], GM Carl Peterson called Allen a “young man at risk” -- a presumptuous assertion from the greasiest front-office man in sports. And so, the fallout began.
Long story short, Allen claimed he’d never sign a long-term deal with the Chiefs, and implied that his supernatural self-motivation, likely supplied by all the beer and that mustasche, would disappear like a thin fart in high wind. The Chiefs traded Allen in that week before the draft -- to the Vikings, ironically [or fittingly, for our fellow cynics] -- in exchange for first- and third-round picks in the ‘08 Pickstravaganza.
Don’t get us wrong, we’re not upset with the outcome of the trade. The Chiefs got fair value for Allen’s production on the field, but, as usual, the team failed to account for his popularity amongst its unbelievably faithful fan-base. Allen likely sold thousands of tickets [and innumerable twelve-dollar stadium beers] at every Chiefs home game, and that’s a void Glenn Dorsey will likely never be able to fill.
Stay in your seats, Chiefs fans -- we LOVE Dorsey, don’t get us wrong. When Al Davis’ senile ass drafted McFadden at four, we just about soiled our Arrowhead-covered undies. He’s a once-an-era player and, hopefully, he’ll anchor a D-line that will sorely miss Mr. Allen. How-ev-ah, Dorsey will never touch our inner honkey like Allen did. And if that’s racist, Jason, you can call us Bull Connor. At least we can admit it...
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5 comments:
I liked it. I can't say I agree at all since I finally experienced that championship I have been longing for as a lifelong jayhawks faithful. So my monkey has been lifted finally. (Sorry for basically everyone reading this being at MU).
But you are right about everything in the article about KC and the chiefs.
One thing I think you have to look at is that Allen was franchised and most likely on the way out as a free agent after this year, in that sense, I am thankful we got a good young offnsive linemen instead of nothing next year.
But your point remains that management ran him out, which is bullshit, but hell, why would KC sports do anything to make the fan happy?
Thank you God, for giving us Dayton Moore. Thanks for trying.
Haha... no need to apologize for being a Jayhawker if you can stand us being Tigers... We prefer to pretend that the National Championship got cancelled this year...
You're definitely right about Allen being on his way out after one year, and the closer they got to that deadline, the less they would've gotten for him on the trade market. And lord knows they can't spend one minute thinking about the fans and how they might react, not that they should, but either way.
Thanks for the input I hope you'll keep coming back.
I want to be upset that Jared Allen is gone. I'm not. If anything, I'm upset that I'm not upset.
Jared Allen is a great player, a fantastic sack artist at worst and a championship caliber franchise defensive end at best. What's most aggravating is what Allen was not - in particular, capable of helping the Chiefs make the playoffs anytime soon.
This is not his fault. Given a team of Jared Allen-like talents, we'd never lose a game. A team full of Allen's we do not possess. Instead, Allen's presence on this team next year would have only helped us lose 10 games instead of 11.
The issue here, is with Carl Peterson, who let the roster get old, and now has to rebuild. It is also his fault that he aggravated Allen to the point of having to trade him. But he did it. If anything, that's all we can be upset about.
Jared Allen wasn't going to help this team do anything but be a touch more watchable this year. In all likelihood, he wasn't going to do any more than that in 2009, either. Holding Allen, if we could, leaves us with this: a more exciting losing season, a colorful character, and the most expensive defensive player in the NFL on a sorry ass team. Maybe he helps us when he's 28 or 29, but by then perhaps he's peaked.
Instead, what we have to look forward to is what we now have instead of him: the miracle of Branden Albert at 15, a good safety in Dajuan Morgan to compete with Pollard and Page (who were less than good last year), and a touch of intrigue/a boatload of speed in Jamaal Charles.
Look, the whole situation sucks, trading Allen included. His loss is just another kick to the crotch of a fanbase that has already been neutered by the team's front office...no one likes to be kicked, but we already had way bigger problems.
Anyway, this is a long response, but Peterson, I think, made the best out of a situation that he fucked up pretty badly. In my opinion, the three guys we got for him have a good chance of helping this team a lot more than Allen could.
(That said, a safety and a running back in the third round? The fuck? If we hadn't lucked into Dorsey, Albert and Flowers, I'd have thrown a shit fit. Draft a fucking center or a DE, ya jackasses.)
You're definitely right, that on paper, Allen wouldn't have made much difference to this team -- they lack so many foundation-type players on the O line and in the secondary (considering the defense they run) to make a serious run. That being said, ANYTHING can happen in the NFL, and I do mean anything.
I just wish that it had never gotten to the point of having to make that decision in the first place. By all acounts, Allen was a franchise player. Especially in KC, where he fit like a three-eyed midget in a traveling show.
It's also clear that the team kinda forgot its needs in the later rounds -- maybe that was the plan they went in with, and I certainly hope so. I didn't see anything to fall in love with after Flowers or Charles.
What's wrong with Kansas?
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